ok, so………..

i’ve pulled a muscle in the left of my ribcage from LYING IN FUCKING BED. how? honestly.

i want more valium. it is the nicest thing ever.

i think i actually kinda enjoy dilation, but possibly only because i got up to my max depth on dilator number 2 the first tiem i used it. FIVE AND A HALF INCHES PEOPLE. go me.

i’m tired of popping pills. mainly because they aren’t valium.

being stuck in the hotel room is driving me fucking insane. abbie, the whole ‘<i>hey! let’s go to thailand and then do fucking nothing for an age</i>’ thing? i totally relate. also, glad to hear you’re kinda doing okay.

right, the thing they don’t tell you about SRS? it isn’t the dilation or the wound or anything else, it’s the fact that it nukes your intestines. i haven’t pooed properly for days. i’m really quite upset.

i want to live in a city like bangkok for a bit. in fact, i’m kinda dreading going home.

looking at my vag gives me warm feelings of fuzziness. closely followed by brief flashes of ‘<i>omg, that bit isn’t about to drop off is it?</i>’. seriously, though, it’s pretty. well, the side that doesn’t need revisions to remove the grat big flapping mound of outer labia is. and, yeah, that side had to be my left, didn’t it? but, even that is pretty in a malformed flapping kind of way.

i really am worried about going home. i’m worried about getting my head stuck up my ass with depression, being stuck in that tiny little dusty house of mine. i really, really, need to get out. but, hey, i have a plan. i’m thinking of a roadtrip and maybe trying to go on holiday in late november. maybe barcelona, if it’s cool with molly, or maybe krakow or prague or berlin. just <i>somewhere</i>. you know?

the most painful thing about the whole deal is the wind in the hospital.

the clit works.

i’ve been paid. i’m not sure i ever want to go back.

i have spent all day in bed. this pisses me off. smoedays i’m awake all day. others i’m asleep all day. i’m not so good at this being a post-operative patient.

gwyn, thanks for planting the idea in my head. and ali, Nut and Tair and Lucy (that isn’t her name, i’m sure, but that’s how we were introduced) remember you both. i’ve controlled morty with some tricyclic antidepressants and a great big spotted bow around his neck. he refuses to leave the room and is just sitting in the corner sulking. we can deal with this.

and, hey, dilating while three nurses sit around you and everybody kinda does that looking around thing not being too sure what to say but sorta feelnig they shold make conversation even though your on your back with your legs akimbo holding a plastic rod in your cunt? it’s sorta something to experience. just for the omgnothingcaneverembarassmeagain factor.

love xx